Married Syrian girls in Al-Mafraq, Jordan
Suha, a 16 year old Syrian refugee girl from Al-Mafraq, Jordan
Life was easier for my mother who grew up in our village in Syria. People did not need much money, they had their farms and animals, and the neighbors used to help each other. Life is so different for my generation now, we live in Jordan and we do not have our farms anymore. My mother kept a 200 Syrian pound with her when we had to flee Syria. She told me that the 200 Syrian pounds used to buy many things. They could buy fabrics to make clothes or all the needed groceries for the house. However, today, the 200 pounds can only buy a packet of gum.
My mother was married at 15. She did not know her husband whom her family choose for her. My mother was not able to refuse the marriage. Although I married at the same age, it was different for me because I married the person I love and chose. This would have been a sin during my mother’s time. The girl was not supposed to see her groom even after he asked for her hand in marriage. Today, girls can meet their grooms before their marriage and would not face any problems. For my mother’s generation, the married woman could never say no to anything. My mother could never talk back to my father or her in-laws. She had to comply with her husband’s and in-laws demands and take care of their needs. She also did the housework at her house and her in-laws house. Today, it is different, I would never accept to do the housework at my in-laws’ house and my relationship with them is based on mutual respect. My relationship with my husband is different as well, we both talk back to each other and shout at each other, and whoever is wrong apologises.
Jenan, a 17 year old Syrian refugee girl from Al-Mafraq, Jordan
My mother got married when she was 20 years old to my father who was 50 years old at the time. During her time, she was considered too old to marry a younger man. She wanted to have a family and children before it became too late for her to find a groom. That is why she married an older relative but my mother never loved my father. I was surprised to know that she kept her wedding ring with her even though she could sell it when she needed the money. The ring is of a great value to my mother because it is the only piece of gold she could bring with her from Syria. It was the only precious item she could bring with her to Jordan, and which reminds her of lost life in Syria.
Norhan, a 15 year old Syrian refugee girl from Al-Mafraq, Jordan
My mother was 16 years old when she married her father. She was in Grade 10 when she married and continued her education after marriage. My mother became a widow when she was pregnant with me at the age of 18. Although her relatives insisted she quit her education, my mother went to school while she was pregnant. However, she had to leave school when I was born. We lived with my grandparents until I was 8 years old, then my mother and I moved out and lived alone. My mother used to make handmade vases and sew dresses and Islamic cloaks to be able to continue her education and support us. She received a university degree in nursery education.
My aunt was 12 years old when she was engaged to her cousin who was 4 years older. It was customary for cousins to marry each other and my aunt could not reject the marriage, she got married at 15. During her time, the groom was not allowed to give any gold presents to his bride, not even a wedding ring. Only the family’s women could do that. My aunt’s wedding ring was given to her by her mother-in-law. These traditions have faded, and today the groom must give the wedding ring to his bride.
Besan, a 17 year old Syrian refugee girl from Al-Mafraq, Jordan
My mother used to have a very close relationship with her father. She and my aunts grew with my grandfather and were all close to him. When he passed away, he had his prayer bead in his hand. Now my aunts and my mother keep it with them to revive his memory. My mother and aunts have many memories with their father. My father was imprisoned when I was 7 years old. 3 years ago, he got out of prison and my mother had to leave to Syria to be with him. She was scared for my safety, so she did not take me with her and she decided that the best thing to keep me safe was to marry me off. I was 15 years old when I got married and I accepted the fact that this is the only option for me to avoid going back to Syria, I do not want to go back and live in the war. I do not have any memories of my father, we only talk over the phone and I do not feel comfortable talking with him because I do not know him well.
Malak, a 15 year old Syrian refugee girl from Al-Mafraq, Jordan
My grandmother used to sew her own dresses when she was my age. There were no sewing machines during that time. All the dresses she sewed were the same but with different colors, even her white wedding dress. She still keeps one of these dresses. My grandmother was forced to marry her late sister’s husband to take care of the children. She was 18 when she got married and her husband was 70 years old. She did not want the marriage, but she could not refuse it because the traditions impelled her to take the responsibility of raising her sister’s children, and that was not possible unless she marries her sister’s husband. My grandmother was not expecting a younger husband at that time because she was considered too old to marry a younger man in her community. It is different now for girls from my community, because we are living in Jordan and the Syrian traditions are not forced on us anymore.
Eva, a 17 year old Syrian refugee girl from Al-Mafraq, Jordan
During my mother’s time, it was forbidden for engaged couples to speak with each other or go out alone, they needed a chaperone. When my uncle was engaged, he was not allowed to be with his fiancée alone. Once, they went to the beach with their families where he found a beautiful shell and decided to keep it as a sign of their love. He engraved their names on it. My mother took the shell with her when we fled Syria as a sign of love. Fiancés at that time were not allowed to give the girls any personal gifts, the gifts should be something decorative for the house. Nowadays, grooms are expected to get personal gifts for their fiancées and they buy them mobile phones during their engagement so that they can speak with each other.
Rahaf, a 17 year old Syrian refugee girl from Al-Mafraq, Jordan
My mother-in-law was married when she was 15 years old. During that time, the brides used to buy a Quran for their trousseau. This is a tradition that people have forgotten – and the same as the virginity mark. On the wedding day, the groom used to put the sheet with his bride’s virginity mark on a sword and dance with it so that everybody can see it. They celebrated the virginity mark with dancing and firing gunshots. Brides who do not bleed were threatened with killing by their families, husbands and in-laws. Today, there is more awareness on these issues and people do medical checkups when the bride does not bleed. Although the tradition of celebrating the virginity mark faded away, mothers-in-law still check the virginity mark and girls can be threatened with divorce if they do not show the mark and do not have any medical excuse.
Liana, an 18 year old Syrian refugee girl from Al-Mafraq, Jordan
This sword was our wedding gift from my father-in-law to my husband. My husband’s grandfather gave it as a wedding gift to my in-laws. I feel this is a precious family legacy that I want to pass to my children. The sword was made in 1907 during the Ottoman rule and was since passed on through generations. The sword was first used by men in battles. Later on, it was used to cut meat and in wedding celebrations. The sword was used in my wedding celebration as well as my mother-in-laws’ wedding celebration.
My mother-in-law has been using a crutch since she was a child. She has congenital hip dislocation, and could not access any medical support services. She needed surgeries, and these were expensive and the hospitals were far from her house. She could not get any medical support and there were no NGOs back then. Today, it is different; we can get the medical help whenever we need it through many health service providers. Medical care is more accessible and cheaper today and clinics and hospitals are spread out.
Wasan, a 16 year old Syrian refugee girl from Al-Mafraq, Jordan
Shanklish is a traditional and expensive food in Syria. My grandmother and my mother used to make Shanklish and sell it. Women and girls were not allowed to work in gender mixed places, or even outside their house. So they used to sell homemade things or food. Nowadays, girls can work in different fields and educated women work in gender mixed places. Many traditions have changed over time. My grandmother taught my mother how to make Shanklish, yogurt and Labneh as well as to cook different kinds of dishes when she was only 14 years old. Today, mothers do not do that anymore. My mother-in-law is the one who taught me cooking. Women do not make Shanklish anymore because it is hard to make it, and they buy it from the markets.
Sahar, a 17 year old Syrian refugee girl from Al-Mafraq, Jordan
My mother’s family bought her a camera when she was 7 years old. She was the only one in her village to own a camera. My mother’s first picture was of my father’s family house. She did not know him then, but when she turned 13, my father’s family asked her hand in marriage. She was engaged when she was 17 years old and her engagement lasted two and a half years before marriage. My father had to migrate and save money for their marriage. During my mother’s time, women who wore abaya or burqa were stigmatized and called bad names. Girls used to wear short skirts and jeans, but today the abaya is forced on girls and most married women are forced to wear the burqa. During my mother’s time, women enjoyed more freedoms and mobility, and were more trusted. Love was not a crime back then. But today, girls are forbidden from loving and are denied their freedoms. This was all a result of the war and displacement and the rumors about girls that people circulate in our community.
Sondos, a 16 year old Syrian refugee girl from Al-Mafraq, Jordan
My grandmother gave my mother a crockery as gift for her wedding. This crockery was used by my mother and grandmother’s generation to preserve cold water and to make yogurt. My mother brought it with her from Syria and she still uses it but only for water. People stopped making yogurt with the crockeries; they use the electric machines for that. The yogurt used to be much tastier when made in the crockery. I still use the crockery for water, as it reminds me of my grandmother’s tasty yogurt when we were back in Syria and of my childhood there.
